Nothing Beats a Good Funeral

Posted: April 25, 2014 in Uncategorized
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Funny when I was 8 years old I remember when we buried my Aunt Louise she kept yelling, “My gosh, this dirt does taste like chicken.” I didn’t understand what that meant then or why we buried her before she actually died. However, many years later I discovered that many meats, fish, snake-meat and even tofu can taste like chicken at times. I also found out that Aunt Louise was a real bitch and should have been buried at birth, but my dad says they didn’t allow it at that time. Damn you Roe vs. Wade.

Strangely enough, that was the only semi-funeral I ever attended until I got a job on a crab fishing boat in Alaska for a Summer when I was 19. Guys on those boats die a lot. It is crazy. It is not only dangerous, but the median IQ for workers is 83 so there leaves more room for error.

I never have had my IQ measured, but I am told I have a high EQ which I have come to find out it is what they tell dumb people. I don’t feel dumb. Though I do a lot of dumb things like lock my car keys in the car quite a bit; say inappropriate things at the wrong time and once I told a friend I would feed his cats while he was out of town for two weeks which I totally spaced. Luckily, two of the cats were small so the big cat ate well.

That guy did forgive me which was cool of him. I felt bad for awhile. How could I be so forgetful or irresponsible? Well, come to find out my neurons were not firing correctly and I was eating too much gluten. I am fine now and watch my gluten intake and take any pills the doctor gives me. Some of these pills make me bloat, have diarrhea and want to kill my landlord which I have only done once.



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