Ain’t My Baby’s Daddy

Posted: May 9, 2014 in Uncategorized
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Have you ever dated a girl that was pregnant and the baby was not yours. I have only three times and man, it is very different. One girl didn’t tell me until she had the baby. I could not believe how well she hide it from me. There were red flags like only making love when she was laying face down on a truck inner tube or that her nipples dripped milk. I was so in love with her that I did not notice all this until years later. The other pregnant ladies I dated told me right off the bat.

One lady was half African American and half Hispanic. She always joked that her baby would be and Afro-Spec…or that when the babiy’s dad got out of jail he would slit our throats. I would laugh out loud when she talked about his release, but inside I shook like one of those Dick Vitale boobleheads.

I never understood why people collect boobleheads and why they became so popular with the sports world. The first ones were made with clay and broke very easily. My dad got so drunk one night he thru a booblehead through our neighbors wind because the guy was giving some kid violin lessons at 3am. It was weird you would think a person would take violin lessons in the day, but I guess they sound more pure in the early dawn hours. Well, the funniest thing was when my dad through the booblehead, it broke into like 3000 pieces and the police made my dad clean the mess up and he was sentenced to five years in prison because when he was cleaning the pieces of the booblehead up, he made a shank and stabbed out neighbor in the toes.

You can make a shank out of anything. They are like condoms. Yes, it is better to have a store bought condom, but Sarin Wrap and rubber bands do work. Don’t use Reynolds wrap.

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