Cats Can Hold Knives

Posted: December 8, 2015 in Uncategorized


I was offered a job the other day which I did not take. It was as a delivery driver for a flower company on the west side of town. The job seemed like it may have been good, but the guy who owns the place has a lazy eye and hates kittens. It just seems strange that in this day and age someone would have lazy eye that they don’t get fixed. Its crazy. 

I had a an uncle who was blind, but drove a tractor. It was funny watching him turn. To make sure he didn’t go off property my grandmother bought a bunch of chickens and tied bells around their necks. She also  trained them not to cross their property line. This way when my grandfather was driving the tractor and heard a bell he knew he was close to the property line. He would then crank the wheel and turn around. And if the bells stopped ringing he knew he ran a few chickens over and had to stop the tractor and clean out the manifold or something.

Well, my grandparents ended up selling the farm after the terrible drought of 1987 and a cat they own stabbed my cousin. When I tell people a cat stabbed my cousin, they think i am joking. But this cat had very long claws and could hold things like spoons and knives. One day I guess my cousin pissed the cat off by drawing a very bad caricature of the cat and poured tar on his tail. The cat freaked out and grabbed a kitchen knife and stabbed my cousin in his forearm. 

Well, I have a job interview tomorrow at ACE Hardware. I think it one of those entry stocking jobs. 




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