Archive for the ‘Topical Events and Humor’ Category

Starbucks is now filtering their WIFI…

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Pediatricians are asked to talk to kids about sex.

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Marv Clemins Movie Reviewer

Tarzan

July 15, 2016

Well, hello everyone this is Marv Clemins, your movie reviewer guy for the Hoylarious Show…Gosh, it has been an exciting Summer, even though my grandpa wasn’t reelected to our town’s city council…. but we are all still very proud of him because he was the first person in our town to spell vaccum correctly and he still holds the record for exposing himself at the County Fair…which is 23…it’s a hard record to break so I just gave up…

Oh, my cousin Jill will get her job back at the Tastee Freez if isn’t late anymore, washes her hands and doesn’t come to work with sores on her lips or her coin joined twin Marcy…

Ok,,, today’s movie I will be reviewing is the new Tarzan movie….The Legend of Tarzan…..Now this one is a real Tarzan Movie not a cartoon one. Gosh there have been so many different tarzan Movies and different actors that played Tarzan like Johnny Weismiller, Christopher Lambert , Tony Goldwyn and Chaz Bono.

. My dads favorite Tarzan was Johnny Weismiller an old time actor and an actual gold winning Olympic swimmer..I always wanted to be an Olympic swimmer, but dad once told me “ us Clemins Folk weren’t built for athletics or to be competitive, Plus we all have small peckers and that don’t look too good in them speedos especiallly in cold water…. now pass the tater tots.”

Well, anyway the Legend of Tarzan movie is really good and action packed with tons of special effects…The Guy who plays Tarzan is a new actor named Alexander Scarsgard…he’s a built dude so he has his shirt off during most of the movie…but we don’t even get a nip slip from Jane…so that sucked…but my wife was so turned on by seeing Tarzan all shirtless that she let me touch her lower regions without gloves on…

Anyway, Tarzan is really a family movie that sends a message to kids that if your parents leave you 0r are killed by gorillas  in the jungle when you are a baby..you can survive…unless there is a dingo around..they eat human babies…

But Tarzan survives because he is rasied by a family of Gorillas…It would be cool to be raised by Gorillas…but I am afraid of heights and gorilla dung and urine always give me a bad rash…

Oh.,. I almost forgot….my favorite actor ever is in this movie…Samuel Jackson….he is a great actor and was very funny. I loved him in Shawshank Redemption, Driving Miss daisy,  Matrix and Lethel Weapon 1….. A friend of mine was a key grip on the set of the Matrix and he said … everyone called Samuel Jackson , Larry which he thought was weird..

 I give The legend of Tarzan

Eight Swing vines and two Nip Slips

Join me next week when I will be reviewing the new Western Movie

Drift My Way set in the 1800s…starring jake Gyenhall and neil Patrick Harris… two buddies from a small mid-western town decide to go west to find gold…but they are stopped by a fast moving river..so they open up a gift shop and sell their driftwood carvings…as their love for wood grows so do their…desires..