Posts Tagged ‘cartoons’

firstbody

Many view humor, comedy and mindfulness as just fun, little, cute things that can be had at leisure, but has no real bearing on one’s life. Because life is to be serious and though a court jester is funny and makes one laugh, he cannot be taken seriously. He has no effect on the world of life or business. This could not be further from the truth. Ironically, comedians and those with a keen sense of humor have higher IQs and EQs. Also, they succeed in many areas of live.

Studies show, along with my own, have shown that mindfulness (truly being in the now basically) and humor have almost exact matching health and life benefits. Below you will find a few Health Benefits of Humor & Mindfulness. Consider this a starter kit of sorts. And please know I do not want to insult all of you who have come to this conclusion years ago. Enjoy and thanks.

1. Lowers Anxiety 2. Lowers Heart Rate & Blood Pressure 3. Increases Immune Functioning 4. Aids in fighting diseases such as cancer & heart Disease 5. Higher Brain Functioning 6. Improves Mood & One’s Zest for Life 7. Live Longer

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molly

When I was growing up I remember stories my uncle told my brother and I about unicorns, rainbows and yes the occasional flasher. Funny. my uncle  met his first wife when he was flashing  in a park outside of Washington D.C. I guess in those days flashing was different because flashers would give out fortune cookies and little prizes if you started longer than 15 seconds.  The early 70’s were crazy with all the free love, bra burning, women smoking while pregnant, disco music and that bad batch of Kool-Aid.

However, quite a few people survived and the art of flashing soon disappeared being replaced by the movie Blue Lagoon which starred  Brooke Shields. My brother said he saw Brooke Shields in a yogurt shop in North Hollywood once. He said all  she put on her yogurt were raisins and yellow sprinkles. It seems like an odd choice. I can see a variety of colors for the sprinkles, but raisins are an odd fruit to start with. And don’t get me started on banana flavored glue. Seriously, have you seen this? 

In this world of excess it seems like people are inventing more useless things like the Jaws of Life.  But one product that every household should have are egg pants. Yes, you can now buy pants for your eggs. 

 

 

 

 

dronedate

Dating is not easy, but with the invention of drones and the so many drone dating services, you can literally have a date dropped off at your door. It beats the old school ‘Mail Order’ brides that they actually mailed. That is why so many mail order brides are from countries with smaller peoples….like Asians because postage can get expensive. My uncle had a mail order bride from Thailand. She didn’t speak English and brought her grandfather and a monkey with her.

It was kind of funny because my uncle acted so macho.He thought he was tough, but this monkey could beat him in arm wrestling. I guess because monkeys are real strong for their body weight and size. One day the monkey bit my uncles left pinkie toe off. It was crazy. My uncle didn’t seem to mind because he actually was trying to stab him. The monkey was just defending himself.

Well, my uncle ended up dying from a terrible infection he got from using rusted forks.

The monkey ended up living his last few years in a Hilton.

 

schoolsharks

Well, it is that time of year again when kids are heading back to school. A joyous time of  year when the squirrels are collecting acorns for their long winter. Birds are chirping and the smell of old people starts to permeate air. Especially the ones that are freshly buried. For you see I live by Orange Grove Sunny Acres Home for the Elderly which is right next to Apple Grove Gloomy Acres Graveyard. I know it sounds made up, but it really is.

We moved here seven years ago because my wife got a job at the new CVS store. She did great in the beginning, but she mistook a lady having an asthma attack as a devil lady and stabbed her with her clipboard stabber thing.I never knew that clipboards have a thing that can actually be used to stab people. Crazy. I got my first clipboard when I was 9. I wanted to be an architect and we couldn’t afford a drawing board so I go a clip board at a garage sale. It cost my dad twenty five cents and to his dying day he reminds what a waste of money that was. I never used the clip board except to squash a spider.

I wonder sometimes if my dad actually bought me a real drawing board, if I would have become something other than a guy sitting in his basement writing a blog thing.

Well, summer is coming to an end and I will have to buy some socks and more reynolds wrap.

 

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It is spelling bee season again. Actually, I never knew there was a spelling bee season and I have never been in a spelling bee. I had a cousin, Lily who was the district spelling bee champ in Nebraska. She qualified for the state spelling bee finals when she was 12, but got bit by a goat on the hand at one of those petting zoo two days before the event. Turns out her hand got so infected they had to remove three fingers and a toe. She never did spell much after that or pet goats. Matter of fact, she is 39 now and if you dress up like a goat and run at her with a big machete with blood on it, she will freak out. It is so funny.. i guess when traumatic things happen to you when you are young, they stick with you.

I remember when i was 9. I saw a man giving another man the Heimlich maneuver in a restaurant. It was bizarre. I thought they were playing around, but then the choking man turned blue and spit out a big piece of steak. It was so gross. The piece of meat hit the window and fell to the ground.Noboday wanted to pick it up so it sat there for like three months. But the man lived. I guess that is the important part. It still freaks me out when I see someone choking, I get nervous and usually pretend to be texting or I close my eyes until someone saves them or they pass out.

 

 

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Gosh, I remember waking up in the morning to the smell of pancakes cooking in the kitchen, birds chirping outside and a bobcat bulldozer digging a new grave. We lived next to a graveyard when I was 8 so that is why I heard the dirt being moved and people crying on a daily basis. Witnessing that at such a young age made me think of my own mortality and why more people weren’t cremated. I mean it is only $586 to be cremated and you get a free urn. A funeral cost quite a bit.

I remember one time on a Sunday afternoon when Mike Ferguson and I climbed a tree in the graveyard and watched a funeral. Everyone was crying except for an old lady in a wheelchair. She was actually smiling. It was bizarre. We thought she may have dementia. But after everyone left and she was sitting there alone, she got up and dug up the grave. She opened the coffin with an old screwdriver.  Then she took out a pair of pliers and pulled all the gold teeth from the body, who it turned out to be a washed up rapper from Detroit. That sneaky old lady. Years later I saw this old lady’s picture  in the newspaper. It was an article about how she opened a business that  would take care of your pet rock when you went out of town. She also opened a Pet Rock Rescue for displaced, lost, or unwanted pet rocks.