Posts Tagged ‘random’

Posted: June 24, 2017 in Uncategorized
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eatphil

Many people see cannibalism as  taboo or a bad thing. Which I find kind of ironic because if it weren’t for the cannibals in the Donner party who were responsible for discovering Nebraska or one of the far states in the Midwest, many of our east coast cities would be over-populated. This could lead to disease and higher crime rates. So eating other people is not so bad when put into that kind of context. I had an uncle who ate one of his wives. She was a big lady and it was a long winter so he survived. My point with all this is that though I have not ever eaten a full person, I do not judge those who may have over done it. People get hungry and if you are poor, without means or you hate them, you should be able to fend for yourself.

 

allky

The beauty about the use of humor is that it is so applicable for many situations. Studies show that the use of appropriate humor can alleviate stress, reduce pain, lower blood pressure and a plethora of other benefits.

I remember how my dad used humor to teach us lessons in life. If my brother and I did something wrong which was quite often. My dad would get his Grungy the Clown out fit on and make us balloon animals that he would then pop right before our eyes.  After  that he would beat us with plastic horn. He thought it was funny until my brother was diagnosed with scoliosis and had to be put down.

So please use humor with caution.

waldo

It is crazy to think after all this time we have not found Waldo. Funny, I had a cousin who always wore a Waldo sweater and couldn’t spell the word ‘restaurant’. He was two years younger than me but got his pubic hair way before me. It was crazy. One day my aunt was hosing us off after our shift at the town’s nuclear plant and there is my cousin with a black pubic hair right below his belly button. My aunt thought i was a tick so she tried to burn it off. but two days later it grew back with a few others. I was so jealous that borrowed my dad’s favorite black sharp and drew a few pubs around my genitals. It looked real from over 15 feet away.

Anyway, that was not an easy Summer due to the heat wave we had and losing my sisters to that cult. But I finally got my own room. The first thing I did in my new room was to put up my hammock. Yes, I sleep  in a hammock. I have ever since my dad did a commercial for a hammock company and they gave him four hammock in lieu of pay. You see my dad is what you call a character actor. He started in high school acting in plays. He got discovered when he was at mall in Kansas and was cast as an acne faced kid in the movie, ‘It’s Gotta be Him” starring Kirk Douglas and Maureen Staplton. He said Kirk Douglas was a prick and Maureen Staplton would flash her boobs all the time.

 

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It is spelling bee season again. Actually, I never knew there was a spelling bee season and I have never been in a spelling bee. I had a cousin, Lily who was the district spelling bee champ in Nebraska. She qualified for the state spelling bee finals when she was 12, but got bit by a goat on the hand at one of those petting zoo two days before the event. Turns out her hand got so infected they had to remove three fingers and a toe. She never did spell much after that or pet goats. Matter of fact, she is 39 now and if you dress up like a goat and run at her with a big machete with blood on it, she will freak out. It is so funny.. i guess when traumatic things happen to you when you are young, they stick with you.

I remember when i was 9. I saw a man giving another man the Heimlich maneuver in a restaurant. It was bizarre. I thought they were playing around, but then the choking man turned blue and spit out a big piece of steak. It was so gross. The piece of meat hit the window and fell to the ground.Noboday wanted to pick it up so it sat there for like three months. But the man lived. I guess that is the important part. It still freaks me out when I see someone choking, I get nervous and usually pretend to be texting or I close my eyes until someone saves them or they pass out.

 

 

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My Uncle’s last words upon his death bed were, “Who cleans up the poop in dog heaven?” And yet he never owned a dog. We all thought that was a rather strange thing to say, but his liver was so shot that it effected his brain chemistry and bodily functions. I remember visiting him in the hospital when he first got ill. It was fun because the room-mate was a guy in a coma and my brother and I would draw spiders all over this guy. The nurses would freak out because we would actually using shading when drawing to give the spiders some depth.  I learned that technique from Mark Finger who was in my second thru 6th grade art class. All he would draw were sharks and ironically he married a girl who’s last name was Finn and and they named their kid Gil.  To top all that off the whole family was eaten by the same shark at different times within a three year period and with in 600 miles of each feeding.

I am just not a water person. Not a big fan of boats or being out on the ocean. I am terrified of lakes because of my terrible experiences at Camp Wamagai in upstate when I was 8. Our camp councilor would make us get up at like 8 in the morning and swim in the lake for an hour. After that he would house us down and then when we were at breakfast, he would take all of our underwear from our tents and throw it up in the “Underwear Tree”. My tent-mate, Gerard  was so embarrassed that this guy did this that he literally had a nervous breakdown and took the lunch lady hostage for over 2 hours in the mess hall. He released her and then was taken to the camp’s psyche ward for evaluation. That was the end of our two weeks so we all went home, but they kept Gerard for another three years. Rumor has it he escaped and made his way down to Ohio where he opened and bait shop.

 

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“There are people in the world so hungry, that if God appeared to them as a Twinkie, they would eat him.”

Mahatma Gandhi

When I first read that quote, I had to re-read it because I thought Twinkie was spelled Twinkee.  But I did a Google search and it is correct. Have you ever done that? You think a word is mis-spelled or you just cannot spell a certain word? Everytime you try, you mis-spell it?
      The mind is crazy..like literally. I am always concerned that I may get a pre-frontal cortex  head injury and lose my personality because that is where it is stored. In the old days they would remove this from people which was called a lobotomy.
I had a neighbor who had a lobotomy. He was very stoic and never moved off the porch. He would sit there all day on a medium-sized wooden stool and whittle small animals out of wood. His sister would them take these wooden animals to town and sell them for a tidy profit. And  because their over-head was very small they actually lived pretty well. Rumor has it, that he could get like three deer, two rabbits and a bear out of one piece of wood.
Anyway, he had a lobotomy because he tried to mate his gimp with a mastiff. He was going to call the breed a gimpstiff.
Anyway, OSHA go wind of this and turned him in to the authorities. He plead-bargained to have a lobotomy and had to sell his gimp to a gypsy family, instead of serving 5 years in prison and one week house arrest.
 
I couldn’t image traveling with a gypsy family. My dad said they were very dirty people and prayed to a shoe. My dad was against all religions that were not Irish Catholic. My sister dated a guy that was Lutheran. My dad got so mad he painted “Lutheran Whore Bitch” on our garage door and made my sister outline the lettering in gray to make it look 2-D.