Posts Tagged ‘trump’

Posted: June 24, 2017 in Uncategorized
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eatphil

Many people see cannibalism as  taboo or a bad thing. Which I find kind of ironic because if it weren’t for the cannibals in the Donner party who were responsible for discovering Nebraska or one of the far states in the Midwest, many of our east coast cities would be over-populated. This could lead to disease and higher crime rates. So eating other people is not so bad when put into that kind of context. I had an uncle who ate one of his wives. She was a big lady and it was a long winter so he survived. My point with all this is that though I have not ever eaten a full person, I do not judge those who may have over done it. People get hungry and if you are poor, without means or you hate them, you should be able to fend for yourself.

 

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firstbody

Many view humor, comedy and mindfulness as just fun, little, cute things that can be had at leisure, but has no real bearing on one’s life. Because life is to be serious and though a court jester is funny and makes one laugh, he cannot be taken seriously. He has no effect on the world of life or business. This could not be further from the truth. Ironically, comedians and those with a keen sense of humor have higher IQs and EQs. Also, they succeed in many areas of live.

Studies show, along with my own, have shown that mindfulness (truly being in the now basically) and humor have almost exact matching health and life benefits. Below you will find a few Health Benefits of Humor & Mindfulness. Consider this a starter kit of sorts. And please know I do not want to insult all of you who have come to this conclusion years ago. Enjoy and thanks.

1. Lowers Anxiety 2. Lowers Heart Rate & Blood Pressure 3. Increases Immune Functioning 4. Aids in fighting diseases such as cancer & heart Disease 5. Higher Brain Functioning 6. Improves Mood & One’s Zest for Life 7. Live Longer

Dogs Know Best

Posted: January 3, 2017 in Uncategorized
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doginvent

The above cartoon deals with a sexual position called ‘doggie style’ which was invent by Rex, a dingo-lab mix who lived in the Caveman period which was a long tome ago. 

Humans developed this method of sex for those cave women who were not very attractive or had not learned to walk upright. 

 

waldo

It is crazy to think after all this time we have not found Waldo. Funny, I had a cousin who always wore a Waldo sweater and couldn’t spell the word ‘restaurant’. He was two years younger than me but got his pubic hair way before me. It was crazy. One day my aunt was hosing us off after our shift at the town’s nuclear plant and there is my cousin with a black pubic hair right below his belly button. My aunt thought i was a tick so she tried to burn it off. but two days later it grew back with a few others. I was so jealous that borrowed my dad’s favorite black sharp and drew a few pubs around my genitals. It looked real from over 15 feet away.

Anyway, that was not an easy Summer due to the heat wave we had and losing my sisters to that cult. But I finally got my own room. The first thing I did in my new room was to put up my hammock. Yes, I sleep  in a hammock. I have ever since my dad did a commercial for a hammock company and they gave him four hammock in lieu of pay. You see my dad is what you call a character actor. He started in high school acting in plays. He got discovered when he was at mall in Kansas and was cast as an acne faced kid in the movie, ‘It’s Gotta be Him” starring Kirk Douglas and Maureen Staplton. He said Kirk Douglas was a prick and Maureen Staplton would flash her boobs all the time.

 

molly

When I was growing up I remember stories my uncle told my brother and I about unicorns, rainbows and yes the occasional flasher. Funny. my uncle  met his first wife when he was flashing  in a park outside of Washington D.C. I guess in those days flashing was different because flashers would give out fortune cookies and little prizes if you started longer than 15 seconds.  The early 70’s were crazy with all the free love, bra burning, women smoking while pregnant, disco music and that bad batch of Kool-Aid.

However, quite a few people survived and the art of flashing soon disappeared being replaced by the movie Blue Lagoon which starred  Brooke Shields. My brother said he saw Brooke Shields in a yogurt shop in North Hollywood once. He said all  she put on her yogurt were raisins and yellow sprinkles. It seems like an odd choice. I can see a variety of colors for the sprinkles, but raisins are an odd fruit to start with. And don’t get me started on banana flavored glue. Seriously, have you seen this? 

In this world of excess it seems like people are inventing more useless things like the Jaws of Life.  But one product that every household should have are egg pants. Yes, you can now buy pants for your eggs. 

 

 

 

 

dronedate

Dating is not easy, but with the invention of drones and the so many drone dating services, you can literally have a date dropped off at your door. It beats the old school ‘Mail Order’ brides that they actually mailed. That is why so many mail order brides are from countries with smaller peoples….like Asians because postage can get expensive. My uncle had a mail order bride from Thailand. She didn’t speak English and brought her grandfather and a monkey with her.

It was kind of funny because my uncle acted so macho.He thought he was tough, but this monkey could beat him in arm wrestling. I guess because monkeys are real strong for their body weight and size. One day the monkey bit my uncles left pinkie toe off. It was crazy. My uncle didn’t seem to mind because he actually was trying to stab him. The monkey was just defending himself.

Well, my uncle ended up dying from a terrible infection he got from using rusted forks.

The monkey ended up living his last few years in a Hilton.